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Making A Good First
Impression
by Trish McDermott
There are no second chances at making a spectacular
first impression. Those first few seconds of contact
become a benchmark for every subsequent impression you
make. We are a world in a hurry, an accelerated pace
keeps us competitive, instant assumptions often lead to
immediate decisions to accept or reject a job, a deal,
or even a potential lover. In romance many of us,
especially anyone who has been around the block, take a
WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) approach. Why
second-guess the obvious? In just under ten seconds,
enough time to read the first few lines of an email,
glance at a profile or extend your hand and offer a
friendly "hello," someone is forming a first
and lasting impression of you. Is it a good one?
Your Profile As A First Impression
Your profile is a uniquely personal introduction. Think
of it as equivalent to not only what you say when first
meeting a potential date, but also what you are wearing,
your posture, eye contact, the firmness of your
handshake--even your makeup, perfume or cologne. While
there is no one profile style that suits everyone, a
charming, humorous, poignant, creative or otherwise
distinctly unique approach may improve your results.
Likewise, there are some general breeches of romantic
protocol and self-expression that should be avoided. You
wouldn't show up late, wear a soiled jacket, or chew
with your mouth open on a first date at a fine
restaurant, so don't behave inappropriately or to your
romantic detriment in your profile.
* Use an uncommon or striking headline. Avoid boring
demographic descriptions like "SF Seeks SM for LTR."
Instead, have some fun. Be daring! Elicit an emotion!
Express yourself!
* Proofread. Spelling, punctuation and grammar are as
important as content. Think of the presentation of your
message as a way of dressing for a date. While clothes
don't make the man (or woman), no one wants to appear
shoddy or unkempt.
* Say it with style. What you say may not be as
important as how you say it. Play with language. Write
poetry. Tell a story. Perform stand-up comedy.
* Be less-than perfect. Regardless of the style you
choose or the language you use to express yourself, be
careful not to extol your many virtues to the point of
boredom, or even suspicion. No one can be that perfect.
Your minor faults and charming inconsistencies make you
human, interesting and approachable.
* Avoid sending up red flags. Don't whine, complain or
drivel on about any problems in your life. Refrain from
casting yourself in the role of the victim, the
egregiously wronged, or the emotionally mortally
wounded. Never use the word "desperate," or
bring up war stories from past relationships. Be
positive and optimistic. Chaos, depression and drama
aren't attractive attributes.
Your Email As A First Impression
Your first email is like the beginning of a cocktail
party conversation. Introduce yourself appropriately.
Listen as much as you talk. Show interest in the other
person. Be confident, but also genuine. Make eye
contact. Connect.
As with your profile, first emails should follow basic
rules for presentation and content. Experiment and find
a style that works for you. Use the subject line like a
headline, proofread, be creative, positive and genuine.
Avoid anything canned or trite. Pick-up lines don't work
and you will rarely make a good first impression, or get
a response using one. First emails should always be
individually written and work best when conversational
in style. Mention something about the recipient's
profile. Where did you sense a connection? Ask a
question or two and include some brief information about
yourself. It's OK to flirt or tease a little, even
during your first contact, but keep things light and
friendly.
First Impressions In The Real World
If all goes well, your spectacular profile and carefully
crafted emails will eventually lead to a first date in
the real world. Although you may feel as though you
already know each other, you have yet to become familiar
with each other's physical presence, and that can take
some getting used to. First face-to-face encounters can
be awkward or even shocking, regardless of the positive
feelings you already have for each other.
You make your best real-world first impression by being
calmly and confidentially yourself. Try to enjoy the
nervous energy you are feeling. Have fun. Remember to
smile. People are perceived as more attractive when they
are having a good time. Your date will form an immediate
first (physical) impression of you, usually in under ten
seconds, based on some combination of these attributes:
posture
walk
body language
attire
physical characteristics
smile/facial features
handshake
grooming
scent/perfume
eye contact
perceived confidence
perceived comfortableness
Inside Information On Positive And Negative
Impressions
Several hundred single men and women attending dating
and flirting classes were asked to list the attributes
they find attractive and unattractive in a potential
partner. Below is a list of the most frequent responses.
Although many of these attributes may not be immediately
apparent, most will show up sometime during a first
date.
Attributes Leading To A Positive Impression:
warmth
sense of humor
imagination
confidence
success
fitness
individuality
body language
conversational ability
aspiration
power
creativity
kindness
Attributes Leading To A Negative Impression:
self-centered
closed minded and judgmental
lack of manners
poor conversational ability
negative life attitude
lack of education
immature
indecisive/without an opinion
lack of integrity
war stories from past relationships
whining and complaining
shallowness
only interested in sex
power games and manipulation
materialistic
There are no do-overs when it comes to first
impressions, yet many of us fail to put our best foot
forward during early romantic encounters. We want to be
loved for who we are and are leery to
"package" ourselves in any way. This is
understandable, but not always realistic. Dating is a
numbers game and, like it or not, dating occurs in a
competitive environment. The next positive, first
romantic impression you make may turn into life-long
love--not a bad return on a relatively minor investment.
Mix 'n Match Copyright (c) 1999 OneandOnly.com Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Take the first step towards making a great first
impression. Create your personal profile at OneandOnly.com
today!
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