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The Chemistry of Love: It's
why your knees go weak, your palms sweat, your stomach
does flip-flops and you begin to stammer when you fall
in love.
by Jen Muehlbauer
When sparks fly between two people, we're quick to say
they have "chemistry." Not everyone realizes
that such couples literally have do have chemistry--it's
what's behind those sweaty palms, the jumpy stomach,
thumping heart, and nervous jitters. Chemistry also
contributes to that warm, comfortable feeling you get
from being with a longtime partner.
In the mid-1960's, psychologist Dorothy Tennov surveyed
400 people about what it's like to be in love. Many of
her respondents talked about fear, shaking, flushing,
weakness, and stammering. Indeed, when human beings are
attracted to one another, it sets off quite a chain
reaction in the body and brain. But there's a perfectly
logical explanation to those intense feelings.
The most well-known love-related chemical is
phenylethylamine -- or "PEA" -- a naturally
occurring trace ammine in the brain. PEA is a natural
amphetamine, like the drug, and can cause similar
stimulation. This natural upper contributes to that
kick-up-your-heels, on-top-of-the-world feeling that
attraction can bring, and gives you the energy to stay
up all night talking to a new love. Sometimes this
energy translates into the triple-espresso jitters;
other times it simply keeps you wide-eyed and alert long
past the time when you'd usually be yawning. "I
always get excited about somebody who can keep me up
late at night," says Elan Freydenson of New Jersey.
"I really value my sleep."
Feeling Dopey
You can also get a non-romantic dose of PEA from
high-intensity activities like skydiving, or by eating
chocolate. According to Chocolate.org, chocolate
contains small amounts of our love drug, PEA. That might
be why some people use chocolate as "comfort
food," getting the same warm, relaxed feeling from
chocolate as others do from Mom's chicken soup.
One of the substances released by PEA is the
neurochemical dopamine. A recent study done at Emory
University shows that female voles (small rodents)
choose their mates in response to dopamine being
released in their brains. When injected with dopamine in
a male vole's presence, the female will pick him out of
a crowd later. Our love food, chocolate, also elevates
levels of dopamine in the brain.
In turn, Dopamine stimulates the production of oxytocin,
sometimes known as "the cuddle chemical."
Oxytocin is best known for its role in mothering,
stimulating contractions during labor and aiding with
breast feeding. According to BirthPsychology.com
scientists now think that both genders release this
nurturing hormone when touching and cuddling, with the
oxytocin level peaking during orgasm.
Another euphoria-inducing chemical in your brain,
norepinephrine, stimulates the production of adrenaline
and makes your blood pressure soar when near the person
you're attracted to. That's why you might experience a
pounding heart or sweaty palms when you see someone
you've got the hots for.
What The Brain Tells the Body
How do our emotions get translated into physical
sensations? A U.S. News and World Report article
explains the importance of the vagus, a nerve that
threads through your whole body. It transports signals
from your brain to your organs, "setting the heart
pounding, making the stomach do flip-flops, and of
course, lighting the loins on fire." Everyone knows
that jumpy, sort of sick feeling in your stomach. Some
people call it a "hollow" feeling, while Elan
Freydenson describes it this way: "That weird
feeling falls somewhere between my belly button and my
heart. It feels like tension building, yet it feels
great and I want to have that feeling more often."
Tennov's group also reported "intrusive
thinking," where it seems like your brain is
fixated on the object of your affection. When your heart
rules your head, there's actually one part of your brain
running the other: the cortex is the area of your brain
that controls logical thinking, while emotions are
processed by the limbic system. When too many happy
chemicals like PEA and dopamine flood your brain, they
head straight for the limbic system.
When The Honeymoon's Over
Some scientists believe that after a certain period,
from 18 months to 4 years, one's body gets used to these
love stimulants. After building up a tolerance to uppers
like PEA, passionate romances can cool into what Helen
Fisher, author of "Anatomy of Love" calls
"attachment." In this phase of the
relationship, your brain produces endorphins, brain
opiates more like morphine than speed. "Unlike
PEA," says Fisher, "they calm the mind, kill
pain, and reduce anxiety." So what some people call
"separation anxiety" might actually be a form
of drug withdrawal.
The idea that the "honeymoon period" of a
relationship is fueled by different brain chemistry than
what is present during the mellower years that come
later might explain why some people can't seem to hold
long-term relationships: they prefer the revving-up
affects of brain amphetamines to the pain-killing
effects of endorphins.
"Divorce rates peak around the fourth year of
marriage," says Charles Panati in his book
"Sexy Origins and Intimate Things." "The
initial 'highs' of love have lost their chemical
underpinnings Marilyn Monroe's classic film "The
Seven Year Itch" should be retitled 'The Four Year
Itch."
Lynn Harris, co-creator of BreakupGirl.com wonders if
it's the other way around. "Relationships take
work. They just do. And people get lazy after a
while," she says. "So do they get lazy because
they're getting immune to the chemicals, or do they get
lazy because they just do...which triggers a decline in
the chemicals?"
In the end, even hard-core scientists agree that
chemistry isn't everything. Culture, circumstances,
personality, and scores of other variables help decide
who turns your head and who leaves you cold. So don't
try to reproduce that lovin' feeling in a basement
chemistry lab--but do try your best to enjoy the natural
highs that life gives you.
Mix 'n Match Copyright (c) 1999 OneandOnly.com Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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