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Love's Ever-Changing Face
by Curt Degenhart
Anyone who's ever had a brush with the thing called love
knows that this feeling so desired is also tough to pin
down. There are so many kinds. We've got lusty love,
companionate love, fraternal love, the kind of love you
have for your grandparents, thrilling love, young love,
self love, and love mixed in with a lot of pain-and many
more. How can we survive a relationship with all these
different forms of love floating around? If you can't
survive the change, you'd better learn, since
relationships are filled with love that's ever-changing.
Love's Frontier
You start out a relationship with tons of passionate
love, with lots of lust mixed in. New love feels like
you're climbing a mountain-thrilling, with lots of new
territory to explore with every step. As the
relationship endures (if you're lucky enough to have it
endure) you'll begin to grow to know each other more
deeply. Then love deepens, too, broadening into a
'best-friend' and companion-style love. No doubt the
lusty, new love is still there, but starts to get filled
out by these other feelings.
It's when love starts to change form that some people
can't cope; they sense the shift as a loss of passion.
They sense a reduction in passion, which to them means
that something's wrong with the relationship. But it
doesn't have to be that way.
When you feel yourself moving over into the companionate
sort of love, just relax. It's not easy, but try to let
the relationship exist at its level. It takes some
getting used to but as you may soon find you enjoy it,
too. This phase I have affectionately termed The Plains
of Kansas. On the Plains, you are definitely no longer
in the mountains of love/lust, with all that unexplored,
exciting territory, where each step takes you around a
new corner, over a new rock. But The Plains of Kansas
have their own charms and benefits-you'll just have to
look a litter harder for what's interesting there, see a
little farther. You're in a place that seems to go on
forever, with no apparent markers or change in
landscape. But if you pay attention to the details,
you'll find plenty to keep you interested.
Dizzying Love
Of course, the thrill of falling in love has its ups and
downs two. As love swells up then changes in a
relationship, so does your sanity level-or so it seems.
On the first date, maybe you feel some of your senses
slipping away, "melting into her eyes." After
a month you may think, "I don't feel right when
we're apart." But you never had that problem
before. And of course, it doesn't feel like too serious
a problem to have. It is part of the thrill of love.
Let's face it. Partners complicate our lives. First,
we're driven nearly crazy with the heady rush to love.
Our friends will wonder what's happened to us. Then,
after a few more dates, a few more weeks, both men and
women wonder neurotically, often desperately:"What
if she doesn't like me as much as I like her?"...
"Am I being used?"... "Is he going to
pull away just when I'm falling in love?"...
"How much will a breakup hurt me?" Not
pleasant thoughts. But we've all experienced them at
least momentarily as we embark down the road to
coupledom.
Love can get even more complicated the longer you're in
it. For instance, lovers tend to know more than anyone
about our weaknesses and our strengths, our dreams and
our worries. We allow them in and give them Knowledge.
It takes a while-at least a few months-for this
Knowledge to build up. But it will.
Be happy that Knowledge can be used for good, to build
us up and make us feel stronger, more secure, and
happier. But partners also use Knowledge against us,
leaving us feeling vulnerable, sometimes abused. Being
prepared for just how many "buttons" are going
to get pushed is important to keeping the relationship
going strong even during tough times. And all this
happens because of love.
So take love, in all its forms, and embrace it. At least
try. Don't get scared when you first start to realize
that "some of the passion is gone," after the
first month, or after the first year. Right around the
corner is another kind of love that brings its own
rewards.
Mix 'n Match Copyright (c) 1999 OneandOnly.com Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Find the love you want at OneandOnly.com.
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